Nevertheless, it stands to reason that in order for any given approach to be truly absolute, it must conform in its salient features to the definition of that term. This, then, is not an attempt to define the absolute lifestyle in any depth, because that would be quite impossible, but to formulate those relatively few views and practices that are common to all who call their lifestyle and their relationships absolute. As definitions go, this essay could only ever hope to cover the bare bones, as it were.

Absolute D/s is not something that we do as often as “Real Life” allows, because to us it is real life. It is a lifestyle; the very foundation of all that we do, and everything that we are. Dominance and submission are natural imperatives, not conscious choices; they are driven by instinct, not desire. They do not come in degrees; they either are, or they are not. Reality is the key word in absolute D/s and one cannot, after all, be partially real. Absolute dominants and submissives do not separate D/s from other activities, because it is not an activity in and of itself. Our proclivities for domination or submission cannot be confined to any structure or specific context because they are congenital, not acquired. We dominate or submit, not because we want to do it, but because we can’t not do it. In short, natural dominants and submissives are born, not made.

Nor is absolute D/s merely a sexual kink. It is not a variation on an erotic theme, and sexual gratification is not the point of the exercise. The object of absolute D/s is not pleasure, but fulfillment. Sexuality may be – but isn’t always – an ingredient; and when it is, it becomes a means, not an end. Even at its most intensely physical, the goal of S&M within absolute D/s is not orgasm, but ecstasy. The natural mechanisms that trigger the responses to which we loosely refer as dominance and submission are different from, but every bit as primordial as, the sexual urges to which they are traditionally – and mistakenly – attributed.

The main difference between mainstream and absolute D/s is subtle but fundamental. Mainstream D/s takes place within the framework of the day-to-day. It maintains the freedom to choose between any one of a myriad of categories and intensities of dominance and submission – sometimes even to shift back and forth between them – but with neither the ability nor the desire to pursue them consistently or totally. Conversely, the absolute lifestyle integrates the day-to-day within the framework of dominance and submission. It pursues dominance and submission totally, because it is the main driving force in every aspect of life, but without the freedom to pick and choose, because each person’s route has already been laid out for them by nature.

Mainstream submission is centered upon a particular person and for the most part only in certain circumstances and within certain limits. It can be given and revoked at will, and is often subject to any number of predefined conditions. There is a clear-cut distinction between contexts, and activities such as work and family life are usually considered outside the scope of that submission. Mainstream D/s is a traditional couple relationship where the dominance and submission, however important and defining they might be, are but one of several components.

Absolute submission, on the other hand, is centered upon itself and remains constant in all circumstances. It is unconditional and unlimited, and there is no distinction between contexts since one is a slave always and in all ways. The M/s (as absolute D/s invariably is) relationship is not a traditional couple relationship but a symbiosis, where dominance and submission are not only the defining characteristics of the relationship, but the relationship purely and simply. As a result, where submission usually grows out of love in mainstream D/s, in absolute D/s love sometimes grows out of submission.

A slave is owned in the most literal sense of that term. She is property; chattel; livestock; a commodity – the terms are as many as they are politically incorrect. Master/mistress and slave are not a couple, not partners, not remotely equal, in any way, shape or form; and an absolute M/s relationship typically resembles one of owner/pet rather more than one of person/person.

As with all other property, the owner may dispose of his slave entirely as he sees fit, without exception. There is no negotiation prior to accepting a collar; the dominant states his terms, and the would-be slave takes them or leaves them. There is no partial or temporary consent; it is total, once-and-for-all, and irrevocable. The absolute slave forfeits all human rights and privileges, and has no other – let alone “Higher” – duty or obligation, than to serve and obey her owner at all times, in every way, and to the very best of her ability. Because the slave’s consent is permanent and all-encompassing, the concept of abuse within an absolute M/s relationship becomes meaningless. Anything that happens is entirely justified by the simple fact that the owner wants it to happen.

In this light the notion of “Safe BDSM” that is so often put forward in various forms becomes a contradiction in terms. We do not “Scene” in the traditional sense, because the inherent distinctions within the concept do not apply; life itself would be one long, uninterrupted “Scene”.

It has of late become more and more a matter of political correctness to describe our lifestyle as a matter of personal sexuality; something that we do in private whilst in all other contexts we are completely indistinguishable from our non-BDSM surroundings. That contention is of course manifestly absurd. One quite simply cannot build an entire lifestyle around something as relatively superficial as sex. A lifestyle is defined as the manner in which one conducts one’s life. One’s sexuality is therefore a lifestyle choice, a part of a much more comprehensive whole. If BDSM is to be one’s lifestyle, it must encompass rather more than just the way one chooses to seek sexual gratification. It must be the foundation of everything that one does, and everything that one is.

It should be borne in mind that the fallacy of BDSM as primarily a sexual pursuit is a relatively newly developed notion, propagated by certain individuals and communities in an effort to mollify our hostile non-BDSM surroundings. Aside from having as much effect as mosquito repellent on a ballistic missile, this “Strategy” has also seriously backfired. Thus, when during the latter half of the 1990s mainstream fashion enjoyed a short-lived flirt with fetishist clothing and accessories, the BDSM community was literally overrun by narcissistic posers who really have nothing to do with the lifestyle at all, except that they have adopted our “Uniform” and symbols as a matter of fashion trend.

The arrival of these people on the scene has further served to cloud the issues, because while they perhaps consider their sexual activities to be very advanced and sufficiently non-conformist to be hip, they hardly qualify as BDSM. Having taken the ball and run with it, it is no mystery that they should endeavour very enthusiastically to maintain the perception of BDSM as something that belongs exclusively within the realm of sexuality. After all, fashion-consciousness indicates a strong desire to be accepted by one’s peers, and whilst dipping one’s toes in the “Dark Side” is considered adventurous and “in” nowadays, any further and more serious immersion definitely is not.

That BDSM naturally attracts self-absorbed hedonists and jaded thrill-seekers should come as no surprise to anyone – this has always been so. However, by creating and perpetuating the misconception of BDSM as kinky sex, those individuals and communities within the lifestyle who do so, have done it untold damage by actively welcoming these undesirables into our midst. Not only have they opened the doors wide for the influx of many people who do not belong here, they have also played right into the hands of those who would persecute us for our alleged perversity and immorality.

The religious repressionists among our antagonists would not have had a leg to stand upon, had it not been for this ludicrous distortion of the BDSM lifestyle. Most, if not all, the local and national legislation around the world that would brand BDSM lifestylers as criminals, is based on sexual morality. The American Religious Right, for example, is not exactly renowned for its insistence upon the equality of the sexes and the dignity of woman as an independent human being. To them, the mere fact that she is female automatically makes her a glorified servant. The only objection these people have to BDSM is that they consider it sex, and in this they have received the full support and co-operation of many who call themselves adherents to our lifestyle.

This makes for strange bedfellows, of course. Put somewhat crudely perhaps, among the Right Wing Christians it is often a case of wife-beating being perfectly acceptable, except if she gets off on it. Among the radical feminists, by contrast, it goes without saying that wife-beating is entirely unacceptable no matter the circumstances, but to hear them pontificate on the issue one must suspect that it is especially repugnant to them if she gets off on it. What the BDSM-equals-sex crowd don’t seem to realise is that while they are being so helpful in putting the Religious Right and the Feminist Movement into bed together, it is the BDSM lifestyle that is ultimately getting screwed.

It is indeed very typical that the very same people who first drone on and on about BDSM being kinky sex, are then astonished that professional dominatrices are routinely and indiscriminately prosecuted on prostitution charges. But you can’t have it both ways, can you? If BDSM is nothing but sex, then pro-dommes are by definition being paid for sexual services. And once again the most effective ammunition in the repressionist arsenal comes from among our own.

The wrongful and very hurtful refusal on the part of society to distinguish between sexual kink and sexual crime has not done the lifestyle any favours either. That certain people equate BDSM lifestylers with incestuous, child-molesting, serial killing zoophiles (again, observe the preponderance of sexually oriented terms), is in part caused by the previously mentioned religious reactionaries. (It will be noted that the more puritanical and anti-sexual a person’s morality is, the more dirty-minded and perverse imagination s/he will invariably possess). It is also caused by those criminals who are attracted to BDSM imagery and practice, of course, but it is their psychopathy that distorts the image of BDSM, not BDSM that creates the psychopathy. However, what little has been done to address this issue has been defeated from within the ranks of BDSM itself, by people who have accused others of being criminal or insane, or both, simply for having chosen a different approach than their own.

As a result, the lifestyle in North America is under constantly increasing attack by intolerant reactionaries!

A Few of My Favorite Bondage Apparatus and Equipment:

St. Andrew’s crosses, bondage frames, and racks –

The St. Andrew’s Cross is also called an X-cross, and is a great support for long-term or lengthy bondage scenes, because it gives support to all the limbs as well as the center core of the submissive’s body, and so allows for comfort and relaxation.

A Bondage Frame is a tall rectangle, often made of steel or iron and secured to a base for stability, but doesn’t give any support to the submissive’s body, and can be less enticing for long periods of play.

Racks, made from wood or metal are usually an A-frame design. Racks can be great for play-torture scenes, (like Torquemada, the Grand Inquisitor and the Spanish maiden), but can also be terrific for general bondage and flogging scenes. The many struts of the rack give you a ton of great tie points!

Then, We Have Choices of Restraint Materials:

Metal, Wooden, Silk, Rope, (and just about anything you can think of to tie or wrap around a willing body).

Metal Handcuffs can be lined in fake fur or comfortable velour for soft restraint. The delicate bones and ligaments in joints are easily damaged, so be careful never to allow weight or tight stricture when playing bondage games! Handcuffs don’t have to be standard police issue cuffs, heck no! Cuffs come in fur, leather and we have a pair of awesome cuffs, called SportCuffs, lined in neoprene and with quick release Velcro closures. These are particularly comfortable cuffs, and the thick neoprene padding wraps the submissive’s joints in a protective layer. In our toybags, we also have a set of wrist and ankle restraints with suction cups. These Suction Cuffs are amazingly strong and work well in shower scenes, hot tubs and more, but be careful! Bondage and water can cause more danger than you want.

Wooden Restraints include a variety of equipment. Spreader bars, stocks and pillories (think Puritan days), and bondage boards come to mind, right off. We have a bondage board, about six feet long and 2 feet wide, with eyebolts all along the outer edges, to provide tie points. Our bondage board lays flat on a bed or table. There are several bondage equipment makers who even design multi-use equipment. These can be broken down into different configurations, for different scenes, and, after your scene is over, can be hidden under a bed or in a closet.

Silk, from strips of sheets and fabric to silk stockings and old ties, are erotic when used as bondage materials, but beware; knots in silk can be extremely difficult to remove quickly, especially if moist! Always keep a pair of paramedic scissors nearby when doing any bondage scene, but particularly when using silk! Don’t bother with the cheap dull scissors; get a good pair from Kinky Medical. Quality paramedic scissors are angled to avoid cutting skin or pinching, and are very sharp!

Ropes come in so many sizes and colors, choosing your favorite might be hard. Experiment with different textures and weights of ropes. We found great cotton-core, nylon covered rope in 50 ft. packages at Home Depot for under $10. Cut the rope into usable lengths, for example, we have several 20 ft lengths, several 12 and 10 ft lengths, and one each of uncut 50 ft length and a 40 ft length. The longer lengths make great body harnesses and dresses!

With safety and planning, bondage scenes can be so intensely erotic and pleasurable, for both parties. The sensuality of bondage scene, done well, exudes an essence of romance and passion. Watching a well-done bondage scene is a pleasure in itself, and having a partner who excels at the techniques and passion of bondage – well, let us just say – WOW!

Some become involved in BDSM out of a need, desire, or love. The need to submit is very strong in some people, and with the right partner, that need can often override their other basic needs. For some it becomes the strongest motivation in all of their life choices. In this case the need is part of their psychological make up and often shows itself whether they are in a power exchange relationship or not, through such things as doing things for others specifically to make that person smile. In the case of a submissive, I think that is a need as well. Often I hear other submissives saying that they did not have a choice, and I can see how this might be true. For allot of people, they have a desire to be useful, to do as others say, to do what Has to be done, without any real desire for “Payment” it’s simply their natural psychological state of being. Some do not have that desire, but experience a need to please in other shapes or forms or in certain, situations.

A need that cannot be explained or a desire for something new and different can lead people to start looking into BDSM activities. Allot of people seem to have gotten into BDSM with light bondage, or pain play, without really being aware of what BDSM or dominance and submitting are. Some delve into it because someone they come to love already enjoys it. That love is the basis for the desire to try BDSM. Sometimes it evolves into a long lasting BDSM or D/s, relationship sometimes it does not. Some simply stumble upon the idea, through web pages, chat programs, or friends who introduce the idea to them. The way it is introduced seems to have little to do with the end result, either they find they like the feelings, emotions, experiences, or they do not.

For some people, BDSM is just something they do for a “Thrill”. It is all physical in nature, focusing solely on the physical thrill the play provides them. Spicing up their sex lives and making things more interesting. To the true masochist, for example, the actual joy comes from the pain. I honestly think that would be classified as more of a top/bottom relationship than a D/s one. In some submissives, I firmly believe it simply was never a choice. It is in their basic nature to be submissive. That they are who and what they are, they have always felt the need to be in that position, how they have handled it, can vary, but for the most part usually putting themselves in situations, or positions where they are under the control of another person. On the opposite side of it, there are some personalities, who naturally dominate, or try to control the situation, such as finding jobs, or relationships where they are in more in charge then their partner.

Why Do I Do It? I’m honestly still working on that. I find that I’m the happiest when I have made another person happy. When I’ve done something well, or useful. I think everyone has these general feelings, but for me, a lot of my own well being depends on these things.

It feels very much like the swingers clubs up and down the country have all gotten together and decided to make as much money as possible, now I’m not saying that they should run the club for nothing, but why do they feel it is acceptable to charge, in some cases, more than twice as much as any other night for entrance on new years eve.

We’ve been looking around and have found some clubs are charging upto £55 just to get in, this is a club that typically charges couples £25 a night.

So why the huge price difference, ok the staff will need paying slightly more on an hourly basis, but everythng else will cost the same, and if you get 100 couples at a club an extra £5 per couple should be more than enough to cover it.

Lets face it, most clubs are not the nicest places in the world to spend an evening, there are very few that could be classed as clean and tidy, and we’ll agree that it’s not the venue per say that we attend for obviously, so what justifies such a huge price simply to get in? Drinks are also typically more expensive at swingers clubs for some reason, £2.50 for a can of coke at one we recently attended, justify that if you will!

We know were not the only ones to have noticed this, we’ve seen posts on other forums and blogs to this effect, maybe now is the time for the clubs to stop taking the piss and start charging a sensible amount for entrance, after all the normal £25 to £30 entrance fee is alot more than you’d pay to go elsewhere!

Maybe the clubs will realise that their over charging isn’t going down too well when they see attendance drop, but that is unlikely to happen as the swinging world seems to have simply accepted that these charges are part and parcel of the scene. Do these prices stop newcomers from attending clubs for the first time?, I mean, if you’d never been to a club before and were faced with a £20 join fee and then a £30 entrance fee before even finding out if you like the club, like the atmosphere or were going to be more than casual by standers, would you pay out?

So where will we be heading off to, our local club, one that is clean and tidy and one that hasn’t made getting in the same price equivalent of the national debt. Where ever you go on NYE, make sure you have agreat night and catch up with us in 2009!

We set off early and got to our hotel with a few hours to go before the club opened, a word of warning, the last 20 miles or so take forever so be prepared to sit in a lot of traffic and get very bored!

We got a cab from the hotel, the club was good enough to give us the details of a local company with whom they do a lot of business so no strange looks from the driver and they know exactly where their going.

From outside it looks like any other industrial building and not that inviting, but once you make your way up the stairs to the top floor you find yourself in a comfortable reception area with a good amount of large locker in which to leave jackets, bags etc. These were quite simply the best lockers we’ve ever found at a swingers club!

Once through the registration process we were show round the club, it’s quite large so a tour is required lol You enter via the dance floor and bar area and then out to a long corridor, it is off this corridor that you will find all the play rooms, and some of them are simply huge!

One things for sure, the club was packed, the guest list didn’t dissapoint and it must be said that the avergae age must have been the lowest of all the clubs we’ve ever attended, the standard of the people was also good and there were a lot of very nice looking people in attendance.

However…………the night went down hill for various reasons!

Firstly the club itself, it does not feel clean, it felt very much like a used factory unit and not a cosy and inviting club (even though the heating was on and roaring) at which you’d want to play. All the play rooms are huge and there isn’t a single private room in which to get some privacy unless you fancied shagging in a broom cupboard with an office desk for your only company! This may be all well and good if you’ve gone with a large number of people that you already know and feel safe in the company off, but if you’ve gone as a couple on your own and don’t want to put yourself completely on display for every other person then it’s not so great!

Don’t get me wrong, swingers aren’t prudes, but some privacy is always nice esspecially if you don’t know any of the other 200 plus people that are there! Some of us prefer to play in smaller groups, or simply couple plus couple, without the rest of the world watching our every move!

The music is far too loud in the bar and dance area which is also the only place that really has any seating, this makes striking up a conversation quite hard and thus getting to chat to others is not as easy as it might appear. The dance floor is also the main route in and out of the club, so if you want to get to lockers or want to go outside for a cigarette you have to fight your way through the dancing crowds!

The bar is a complete nightmare to get to, it’s far too small and is fronted by the dance floor, you could easily wait 20 plus minutes to be served a warm can of coke for the sum of £2! The bar needs to increase in size and get moved to a more suitable position imo

To paint the picture, we’re not in our 60’s but our early 30’s and we like to be able to chat to people and see if we click prior to moving on to the fun part of the evening, but due to the loud music and lack of seating this was not really an option, add to that the lack of private rooms and all was not looking good!

As for the people, well, apart form being the youngest crowd we’ve ever come across in a club which is great, and apart from this being the busiest club we’d ever attended, it was still quite hard to get chatting, the music had a role to play in that, but it also seemed as though it was very clicky and that most of the people there were there to meet people they had arranged to play with prior, this made breaking into the groups and having a conversation a nightmare!

We did get to chat to a few nice people, but this was down in the freezing cold smoking tent as it was about the only place you could hear yourself think!

Overall the club was dissapointing and we know we weren’t the only people to feel this way, we spoke to numerous people in the smoking tent and in chat rooms afterwards that said they wouldn’t have wanted to play there due to the layout of the rooms and the feeling of it being dirty and that it was hard to actually meet new people due to it being clicky and too loud!

Would we go back, probably not, not until some changes have been made anyway, either that or we’ll arrange to meet a load of people we know there so that we don’t feel completely left out!

Adult VOD

With the restrictions placed on buying adult dvds online, many suppliers and purchasers alike started looking at other ways in which to get access to the adult movies they were looking for. Some bright spark hit upon the idea streaming the movies directly to the users computer and thus cutting out the need for the physical dvd, and thus video on demand, or vod as it is more commonly called was born.

Adult Video On Demand works, and it works for a number of reasons, the first is probably due to the fact that their is no more waiting around for dvds to turn up ‘discreetly’ in the post, and the second is that watching videos in this way typically costs a lot less than buying the physical product.

There are a few ways for you to watch videos on demand including streaming, downloads and pay per view (PPV).

• Video Streaming - Search for a film, find one you like the look off, pay for the stream and start watching. The dvd you’ve chosen will then start playing and will stream instantly to your computer allowing you to watch what you want, when you want it.
• DVD Downloads - Downloads work in a similar way to streaming, but with slightly more delay. Again you search and find an movie you want to watch, but once you’ve paid for it you go and make a coffee whilst it downloads to your computer. Once it’s downloaded, start watching!
• Pay Per View - This is the most flexible option and the one that is preferred by most people using on demand video streaming. Essentially you buy minutes in much the same way you would if you were topping up a pay as you go mobile phone. You search and find an adult dvd that you wish to watch and then start watching. If you watch for 10 minutes then you have 10 mintues debited from your bank of purchased time. If you get bored, you simply swap to another video. You only ever pay for what you watch!

Adult VOD really is the way forward, more and more people are using it to their advantge and the choice of videos is growing all the time. Like buying DVDs, there are many different companies you can use to to supply your streaming porn, we like the services, video choice and costs that are provided by Adult Video Streaming, just click on the banner below to visit their site and start watching adult vod now.

Cheap Adult DVDs

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to get hold of adult dvds here in the UK? Well, if you have then let us enlighten you! It’s all to do with a bit of legislation that came into effect a few years ago that states that only licensed sex shops could sell adult material.

This removed a huge amount of shops from the supply chain and also brought a stop to you being able to purchase adult dvds, videos and movies over the internet or from magazines where the supplier is based in the UK.

Essentially the plan was to ensure all dvd sales were made face to face and to stop those people under the age of 18 from having access to this adult material, and this where i see the law as being flawed, after all, if you want to buy age restricted movies online you’re going to need a credit card, and guess what, you have to be 18 to get one of those anyway!

This change in the law has resulted in a large number of companies moving their bases off shore to Amsterdam and Spain to name just a few of the locations, and whilst this poses no real problem for many of the companies, some just don’t seem to have been able to manage the move and the administration of working from abroad very well and have left many customers out of pocket and with no videos to show for their money, the biggest culprit is VidShop, one of the biggest names yet one of the biggest failures.

So who are you left with, well, the answer is quite simple, there are literally hundreds of adult dvd suppliers to shoose from on the internet from small one man band type set ups to multi nationals, and like everything on the internet, it is this huge range of options that can lead to you not getting what you’ve paid for.

If you really want to buy adult dvds online then our suggestion would be to use a company called Simply Porn DVD, we’ve personally ordered movies from them and never had a problem with them turning up ontime and in perfect condition. Their based in Spain so you’ll have to appreciate you’re not going to get your adult videos the next day, but the deliver times are very good and the dvds they send you are all original. Add to this the fact that they are priced very well and you have a winning package.

I mean come on people, get a life, have you got nothing better to do than phone up and complain about his daft antics with Jonathan Ross after the event and when you didn’t actually listen in the first place! 10,000 complaints, 9,998 of them received after it was made public knowledge and splattered all over the news and radio!

But what has this got to do with swingers, well, we all know that Russell likes to put it around, but in this case, the lovely lady in question, Georgina Baillie (an aspiring actress and lesser known amateur porn star no less - click here to see her ‘acting’ talents!!) has listed her marrital status as ‘Swinger’ on a social networking site.

So, the question, when did swinger become a marital status, and would go around placing that on social networking sites for others to see? I’ve always been of the opinion that whilst i won’t hide what i do from people i know well and respect I’m not going to go and paste it here and there and everywhere for my nan to see!

The other side to this, is, can you find her on any genuine swingers sites or has she not got that far in her sexual experimentation, if you can, please let us know, becuase right now the only place we can find her is in sex scenes on her adult video!

After being there a while and having had dinner and a few glasses of wine the talk got round to sex, the wife’s sister knew that we were swingers and told her friend who became quite excited and wanted to hear all about our ‘adventures’.

She listened carefully and we could see that her husband now had an erection as my wife spoke of her cock sucking ability. He looked at his wife and asked her if he should show us something in the stables, she agreed and we followed them both out to the stables. The wife and I thought we’d better set the record straight as we’re not into animals, but they explained that there was nothing to worry about and that we’d have a lot of fun in the near future!

The wife’s, sister’s, friend’s husband went into a stall and brought out a special saddle at which point myself and the wife couldn’t help but laugh. In the middle of the saddle was a hole, and through that a large flexible rubber dildo! The wife smiled and said she fancied a go on it, so he saddled up a horse and and the wife mounted it, slowly lowering her now wet pussy onto the 10″ dildo.

The oh so familiar look came on her face as she lowered herself down onto it, and when it had totally disappeared inside her she giggled as though she was about to cum. The guy then took the rope attached to the bridle and got the horse to walk on, the horse started to trot in a circle and the wife went wild!

Her bouncing arse making her ride the dildo slowly up and down on the saddle, the fact that she’d cum already was no surprise, you could see it glistening on the saddle. Shortly later the groom clicked his tongue and the horse started to gallop , the wife was now bucking and screaming with pleasure as her arse bounced faster and faster with the motion of the horse.

After about half an hour and numerous orgasms the wife was soaking wet with cum so the groom slowed the horse down and she got off, well, i say got off, more like she fell off and just laid there on the floor with cum running down her thighs and a smile on her face like I’d never seen before!

Needless to say, we’ll be visiting the inlaws a bit more often now i think